To drink or not to….

Hi everyone.. Well this topic is probaly the most sensitive or aggravting to me. I use to think drinking would help my anxiety. Have a few beers or shots whatever just to losen me up so I can interact with everyone. That was good for me for about NEVER…

Drinking oh I love me a cold beer at the end of the day or basically anyday. It would give me this temporary feeling of just being cool and talkative. It just became my staple or go to whenever I would get anxious or nervous, I would think If i just do a shot and beer I could just be like everyone else not a care in the world and the anxiety would just go away. Until that one or two turned into about a 12 pack later and a few shots and my anxiety would come at me in full force outta no where. Like what the hell thought this was suppose to make this not happen. You would think after that happening to me so many times I wouldve stopped right?? Oh not this girl .. I would always try to make sense of it in my mind. Like that was just a fluke thing I wont let that happen again. Finally after so many years of doing this to myself , just letting me put my body thru this time after time and just basically giving up on ever really fixing myself, I just stopped !!! I had to. So many things happened in the meantime of all this and it was getting so outta control. I was letting anxiety take over my world in every aspect. When i say I just stopped of course it wasnt that easy shit I miss being able to have a beer at the end of the day. But what made it easy for me was when I forced myself for a few days not drinking and just barely feeling like I am making it with my anxiety and working. Something happened. I actually started to feel so much better. I eventually stopped for so long that I didnt take my anxiety medicine anymore. I woke up did my meditation and would totally forget about it all. I know it sounds crazy or too easy. But it really truly was at the end of it all. The way I started to feel and became more of myself and the person I know I am. Not the person with anxiety hiding in a corner thinking so much but not speaking it. When it came down to it drinking only masked myself and made me feel like i was who I wanted to be. But in all reality it really just made me the total opposite now that i can sit back with an unclouded mind. Now I know everyone story is different and drinking isnt always the issue or taking anxiety medicine doesnt bother people. I get it. Just for me I didnt want to be doing this forever depending on something meds or alcohol forever to think I am who I was always meant to be.

People with anxiety dont have a train of thought. We have seven trains on 4 tracks that narrowly avoid each other when paths cross, and all the conductors are screaming.