That moment…

Good morning everyone… hope everyone had a great weekend. Well today I am gonna talk about that one big moment in my life when I realized my life wasnt my life at all. That anxiety had officially taken over every aspect in my life. Everything I did or wanted to do I had my anxiety to think about first there was no just going for it and saying f**k it. My anxiety had me living in the biggest dark and lonely cloud.

Well I had my moment outta of no where one day. I was sitting in bed just scrolling thru my facebook and looking at all of my friends living this amazing life. Well it looked like it, they were definetly doing more than I have been. Going to different places, taking pictures with all of their friends taking chances experiencing a life I just think about but never could do it. It made me so sad and yes jealous. I realized I have been doing the same thing for so many years and living thru their adventures and great times but really not doing anything. It was a sad and hurtful awakening for me. Looking at my husband and thinking OMG how does he handle dealing with the way I have been for so long and thinking of all the years I have wasted being held back from doing anything I really wanted to do all because I was living in that anxiety cloud.

So after that moment and many cries later I told myself something has to change. I am getting older my son will be off on his own soon I just wanted to start living my own exciting life. Just wanted to not be held back anymore. I dont know what came over me but I honestly just said f**k it . I just went thru seeing my dad pass away unexpectly , so I then realized life is so short and I have too much to live for. I was gonna kick my anxiety ridden ass to a better life if it killed me.

So there I was looking at going into the grocery store and my typical anxiety would kick in and I just said screw it if I have an anxiety attack in there and I fall to the ground shaking thats whats going to have to happen. I dont care who sees me or what people think. I know that sounds lame just going into the grocery store , but thats how bad I was at in my life with anxiety. Of course it didnt always work that way but I just forced myself ( mind you in my head Im kicking and screaming telling myself not to go in). I had to start somewhere and every week and month kept getting better and better for me.

Point of this story is that you cant let something control your life or hold you back from living it. Whether its anxiety, drugs alcohol etc.. you have to find a way to control your life and not let other things control you no matter what. Its not the easiest thing by no means but it is possible. You only have this one life and one chance to live, so make everything you do count. All you can do is try and keep trying and if you really are things will start looking up for you. Dont ever give up on yourself.

Be brave enough to heal yourself even when it hurts….

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